My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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