i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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