Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
