so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You made out with two different species that night
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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