last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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