ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
