just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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