I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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