Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
