Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
