I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
