Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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