At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
