If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
