Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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