I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
