I just made out with a guy for $7.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
