i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
