Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
