you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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