i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
