Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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