Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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