sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
