It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
