my mouth tastes like poor choices
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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