what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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