I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
