You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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