i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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