I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
