I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
