3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
