I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
