we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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