This is not my ceiling
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
