Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
