We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
