I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
