the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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