I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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