So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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