She said her name was "party"
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So much rum. So many feels.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
