Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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