Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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