high people should be assigned attendants
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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