69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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