As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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