Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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