She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
