conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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