I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
