college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
