the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
