I'm going to jail i love you
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
