are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
