Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I smell stomach acid.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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